Emotion plays a big role in relationships. Relationship Emotion Therapy and Coaching works with the heart of individual and relational problems. Relation Emotion Therapy and Coaching for you relationship resolves unconscious, projected emotions. Effective and fast.
The RETaC for your relationship workshop aims to restore emotional deregulation. In all persons of the relationship. So in you, in your (possible) partner and in interaction with each other.
Unbeknownst to us, feelings play a vital role in how we relate to one another. Feelings play a crucial role in relationship issues. With RETaC we investigate which emotions arise in disturbed relationship patterns. Husband and wife-, work- and family relations. We trace unconscious predictions through a precise process. So that we can structurally change these predictions and the resulting emotions.
Connection. Intimacy. A family. Children. Feeling understood. Laughing together. Understanding each other. Trust. To be there for each other. Support. Rejection. Sex. To be on the same page. Cheating. Divorce. Blended family. Communication. Start over… “Just some” words that have meaning in relationships.
RETaC is a new extremely effective method. This method uses new neuroscientific research by Lisa Feldman Barrett (among others). Emotional regulation appears to play a crucial role in how we make decisions and respond to others. This process takes place unconsciously in us, but influences our daily behavior enormously. With RETaC we make this unconscious process, conscious, and trace where these feelings come from to change these feelings in their origin. Once that happens, our response patterns change instantly because their source has changed. Not only do you learn to react differently but you feel different which makes you react differently!
Learning to change your patterns
Do you want to discover how unconscious emotions determine how partners experience and approach each other? Do you want to learn how to influence these unconscious emotions? So that you can intrinsically interact with each other differently? Register now for RETeC for your relationship workshop. A unique new approach to inter-relational problems.
Keeping your relationship loving
That it can be difficult to keep a relationship loving is a given for most people. It is not for nothing that there are many relationship counselors.
Controversial Jordan Peterson advises people against divorce, no matter how difficult it can be in the relationship. Why? The statistics show that divorced partners with children both fare badly. In a financial sense, in terms of starting a new relationship and in terms of emotions.
In a way I agree with him. Do not get me wrong. I am not propagating that people should stay in a relationship where there is all kinds of suffering. I do think that relationship distress offers a huge opportunity for both partners. An opportunity to learn to understand something about yourself that is fundamental to ourselves. Because this ‘something’ probably played a role in previous relationships as well. Something that will likely play a role in a future relationships…
RETaC for your Relationship
In a relationship: Do you have relationship issues that are difficult to solve? Are there recurring issues that stand in your way? Quarrels about ‘nothing’? Crisis? Problems with your blended family? Do you feel misunderstood? Do you feel unsupported, unloved or attractive? Then join the two-day RETaC for your relationship workshop.
Single not in a relationship: Are you experiencing repetitive relationship issues? Are you too critical? Do the same issues repeat themselves with new partners? Are you afraid you will never find anyone? Do you feel lonely or misunderstood? Want to make your next relationship more likely to succeed? Then register for RETaC for your relationship workshop.
”Wassili gets the best out of people and this material! I think he is a fantastic trainer.- Lucas Derks, PhDSocial psychologist, author and developer of 'Mental Space Psychology'
”RETaC will change the way you think change works- Wassili ZafirisFounder of the RETaC method
Relation Emotion Therapy and Coaching
The RETaC for you relationship takes two days. Below is a brief summary of some of the topics that will be covered.
The neuroscience of emotions
- You will learn the latest knowledge about how your emotional brain works.
- And you learn a new theory about how emotions arise.
The issues in relationships
- You will playfully explore and practice the foundations of how emotions arise.
- You learn how emotions cause problems in relationships and why.
- We will discuss which themes cause problems in being together.
- Why we blame each other for our feelings.
- The secret of crisis in a relationship.
- You learn to feel again.
Transforming Relationship Emotions
- Practice exploring your own relationship issues.
- Experience how your relationship-emotion-foreplay works.
- Exploring what it takes to feel understood, supported and loved.
- Learn how to change your relationship-emotion-foreplay loops in yourself and each other.
- You learn how to make new predictions (together).
- Restart your togetherness.
Relationship related emotions
Intimacy touches us to our core. In a positive sense when things are going well and in the most negative sense when things are going badly. We have learned in our lives how, for example, intimacy works through the most important examples in our lives: our parents.
From the second we were born we were taught what intimacy is. How you act intimately, what breaks intimacy. How you should behave in intimacy, what you should not do and so on.
We did not consciously learn this. Sometimes we’ve been told how intimacy works. But most of the time, we grew up in the midst of our unique example of intimacy. What was said was done. What was not done or said. Whether touched or not. And not just from our parents. Also the larger system, of brothers, sisters, grandfathers and grandmothers, friends and so on.
All those thousands of experiences have formed a conceptual reality. A conceptual reality that shapes our decisions unconsciously. And this conceptual reality is the basis for possibly the most important aspect of relationship problems. Relationship related emotions!
”A completely new way of looking at how emotions influence us. And it has been made so simple that everyone can learn to apply these ideas. I have discovered and changed incredibly deep relationship patterns. Still can't believe what's changed.- BarbaraNot currently in a relationship
”I've always thought my relationship issues were about something other than what came up at RETaC. I did not expect this eye-opener. I gave myself a present and can now guide my coaching clients much better. Thanks!- Karel(Relationship) therapist and coach
Recent neuroscientific research shows that emotions may play the most important factor in our decision-making power. For most of us, the feelings associated with these emotions are largely outside of our conscious awareness. Unconscious feelings play a central role in relationship problems. However, we do not experience these emotions as our own. We experience emotions in relationships as a result of the action or in-action of the other. And this “mistake” makes our emotions stronger instead of weaker.
When couples therapy doesn’t work
Another aspect of the role of these relationship emotions is that research shows that these emotions cannot be overruled by our cognition. That explains why so many couples therapy, advice and techniques don’t work when it’s really needed.
Putting yourself in the perspective of the other. Non-violent communication. Embracing thinking style differences. Understand what “color” your partner is. Communication advice. Family constellations. Insight into your attachment style, et cetera. All meaningful things. But when it comes down to it… then relationship emotions overrule what you know and understand.
Articles about RETaC
You can read more about how our emotions arise in the spring edition 2021 of INSIGHT, the Dutch journal for NLP. Journalist and coach Aranka van de Pol has written an excellent article about RETaC.
Who is this training for?
RETaC is the training for sustainable transformation of relationship problems. Anyone who wants to learn how relationship problems arise and how to change them can participate in this training.
- Are you with a partner and do you have relationship issues that you just can’t seem to resolve? Then you can participate together or alone!
- If you don’t have a partner at the moment, but you experience recurring themes in your relationships, you can also participate!
- If you have social issues in general or at work or a disturbed family relationship, you can also benefit from RETaC. Sign up for the two-day RETaC for your relationship workshop.
What is RETaC?
Relationship Emotion Therapy and Coaching (RETaC) is not the same as EFT (Emotionally Focussed Therapy). RETaC is based on recent neuroscientific research by Dr Lisa Feldman Barret. She explains in great detail how our emotions arise and that is not how we have learned that they arise. The source of our emotions lies in one of the most important functions of our brain: predicting what is going to happen. These predictions create our emotions.
Predicting what will happen
Predictions arise from unconscious bodily feelings. It turns out that a large part of our brain is busy extracting information from a until now (relatively) unknown sensory system: interocepsis. Subtle heartbeat changes, or tension around organs such as stomach, intestines, throat. Or restlessness in the legs, et cetera, are closely monitored by the brain. The brain links these (often) unconscious feelings to memories of these feelings. Why? To be able to predict as accurately as possible what will happen.
What is RETaC 2?
This ‘predicting mechanism’ of our brain is very useful. Because by making predictions we can deal with new things and experiences very well. However, feelings can also be linked to experiences that consistently make the “worst” predictions possible. And all we notice about this whole process is the end emotion it creates.
An important aspect of this is that we do not link the emotions and feelings we experience to the past. But to what is happening in the moment. We are also unaware of the origin of the prophecy. Our brain links our felt experience to the situation or person at that moment.
By accurately modeling how emotions are made in our brains, we have been able to develop methods to work with this neuroscientific knowledge. With RETaC we make the unconscious process conscious. We change the predictions so that the Relationship Emotions also change.
Dates & location
The RETaC for your Relationship workshop lasts two days and also takes place in Amsterdam, IJburg.
Training dates in 2022
RETaC for your relationship workshop
October 28 and 29
RETaC for your relationship RETREAT!
5 day retreat in Rhodos Greece
September 30 to October 4
Read Happiness is depressing. Do the exercises!
RETaC for your relationship workshop €650,00 individual, €1000.00 with partner
These amounts are VAT-free and therefore the net amount. Training is often deductible, check with the tax authorities / advisor.
The amount includes the following:
- The training days and space;
- coffee, tea and refreshments;
- RETaC Foundation certificate (if applicable).
5 day retreat
The 5-day RETaC retreat will be a special event. Every morning you and a number of other participants receive guidance on the specific themes that are recurring in your relationships. Slowly but surely you learn how to transform deep feelings and thus change your reaction patterns. You will understand much better where your reactions come from and those of your (possible) partner. As soon as the emotional ‘load’ has diminished, you can work together. Once that moment arrives we are going to talk about the future that you want to create for yourself in relation to relationships and a partner.
In the afternoon and evening there are activities such as yoga. You are free to do as you please. Join us for 5 days of healing for yourself. Healing for your partner (if you have one), and healing in the interaction! Contact us to participate.
The RETaC workshop is accredited by the Dutch Association of Professional Hypnotherapists. So also interesting for therapists with relationship issues.
The heart of relationship problems
If the heart of relationship problems is formed by unconscious feelings and emotions, then the solution must also be sought there!
How do you unravel your unconscious feelings when you genuinely experience that the other person is causing the problem? What can you do with your own feelings if you are engulfed in self-pity? Feelings of rejection, insecurity, self-doubt, or anger? Can you change fears and insecurities in a blended family? Do you need help to stop reacting from emotions or your intuition? How do you stop feeling that your partner is to blame for the problems?
These are very tricky problems. For the simple reason that for us, our feeling is the truth, no matter what the other says about it.
Coaching with the RETaC method
Would you rather be guided individually? You can. Sign up for relationship coaching. Indicate that you want relationship coaching.