RETaC For Your Relationship workshop

Emotion plays a big role in relationships. Relationship Emotion Therapy and Coaching works with the heart of individual and relational problems. ‘RETaC for you relationship’ resolves unconscious, projected emotions. Effective and fast.

The RETaC for your relationship workshop aims to restore emotional deregulation. In all persons of the relationship. In yourself, within your (possible) partner and in interaction with each other.

Feelings play a vital role in how we relate to one another and they play a crucial role in relationship issues. With RETaC we investigate which emotions arise in disturbed relationship patterns. Husband and wife-, work- and family relations. We trace unconscious predictions through a precise process. So that we can structurally change these predictions and the resulting emotions.

In a relationship or single?

Connection. Intimacy. A family. Children. Feeling understood. Laughing together. Understanding each other. Trust. To be there for each other. Support. Rejection. Sex. To be on the same page. Cheating. Divorce. Blended family. Communication. Starting over… Whether you are currently in a relationship or single, we all know how it feels when a relationship crashes and problems repeat themselves. You don’t even have to be in a relationship to experience relationship issues. Ultimately we all want to feel understood, supported and loved. In any (intimate) relationship. We also know how challenging this can be. Would you like to change how you feel in relationships and increase the chance of having the relationship you long for? Join the 2 day RETaC for you relationship workshop, or the 4 day RETaC retreat in Greece!

New method

RETaC is a new and highly effective method. This method uses new neuroscientific research by Lisa Feldman Barrett (among others). Emotional regulation appears to play a crucial role in how we make decisions and respond to others. This process takes place unconsciously, but influences our daily behavior enormously. With RETaC we make this unconscious process, conscious, and trace where troubling feelings come from so we can change these feelings at their origin.

You will feel different instantly

Once that happens, our response patterns change instantly because their source has changed. Not only do you learn to react differently but you feel different which makes you react differently!

Would you like to discover how unconscious emotions determine how you react to a (possible) partner? Do you want to learn how to influence these unconscious emotions? And experience how you can interact with each other in a healthy way? Register now for RETeC for your relationship workshop or the RETaC Retreat in Greece.


Keeping your relationship loving

That it can be challenging to keep a relationship loving is a given for most people. There is a reason why there are so many relationship counselors.

Controversial Jordan Peterson advises people against divorce, no matter how difficult it can be in the relationship. Why? The statistics show that divorced partners with children both fare badly. In a financial sense, in terms of starting a new relationship and in terms of emotions.


In a way I agree with him. Do not get me wrong. I am not propagating that people should stay in a relationship where there is all kinds of suffering. I do think that relationship distress offers a huge opportunity for both partners. An opportunity to learn to understand something about yourself that is fundamental to how you relate. Because this ‘something’ probably played a role in previous relationships as well. And if you don’t adres the cause that ‘something’ will likely play a role in a future relationships…

RETaC for your Relationship

In a relationship: Do you have relationship issues that are difficult to solve? Are there recurring issues that stand in your way? Quarrels about ‘nothing’? Crisis? Problems with your blended family? Do you feel misunderstood? Do you feel unsupported, unloved or attractive? Then join the two-day RETaC for your relationship workshop.

Single not in a relationship: Are you experiencing repetitive relationship issues? Are your standards too high? Do the same issues repeat themselves with new partners? Are you afraid you will never find anyone? Do you feel lonely or misunderstood? Want to make your next relationship more likely to succeed? Then register for RETaC for your relationship workshop.

Relation Emotion Therapy and Coaching

The RETaC for you relationship takes two days. Below is a brief summary of some of the topics that will be covered.

Day1: Themes

The neuroscience of emotions

  • You will learn the latest knowledge about how your emotional brain works.
  • And you learn a new theory about how emotions emerge.

The issues in relationships

  • You will playfully explore and practice the foundations of how emotions emerge.
  • You learn how emotions cause problems in relationships and why.
  • We will discuss which themes cause problems in being together.
  • Why we blame each other for our feelings.
  • The secret of crisis in a relationship.
  • You will learn to feel again.

Day 2: Themes

Transforming Relationship Emotions

  • Practice exploring your own relationship issues.
  • You will experience how your relation-emotion-prediction loop works.
  • Explore what it takes to feel understood, supported and loved.
  • Learn how to change your relationship-emotion-prediction loops in yourself and with each other.
  • You will learn how to make new predictions (together).
  • Restart togetherness.

Relationship related emotions

Intimacy touches us to our core. In a positive way when things are going well and in the most negative sense when things get rough.

Learning how to feel

In our lives we have learned how, for example, intimacy works. We learned this through the most important examples in our lives: our parents. From the second we were born we were taught what intimacy is. How you act intimately, what breaks intimacy. How you should behave in intimacy, what you should not do and so on.

We did not consciously learn this. We grew up in the midst of our unique example of intimacy. What was said and what was done. And what was not said or done. Whether touching was a part of sharing affection or not. All these ideas did not just come from our parents. Also the larger system, of brothers, sisters, grandfathers and grandmothers, friends and so on.

Thousands of experiences formed a conceptual reality of what f.e. intimacy means to us, how it feel to us. A conceptual reality that shapes our decisions unconsciously. And this conceptual reality is the basis for possibly the most important aspect of relationship problems. Relationship related emotions!

Neuroscientific research

Recent neuroscientific research shows that emotions may play an important factor in how we take decisions. For most of us, the feelings associated with these emotions are largely outside of our conscious awareness. Unconscious feelings play a central role in relationship problems. However, we do not experience these emotions as our own. We experience emotions in relationships as a result of the action or in-action of the other. And this “mistake” makes our emotions stronger instead of weaker.

When couples therapy doesn’t work

Research has shown that these relationship emotions are very hard to overrule with our thinking. This explains why so many forms of couples therapy, advice and techniques don’t work when  they are really needed. When emotions emerge!

Being empathetic to the perspective of the other. Non-violent communication. Embracing thinking style differences. Understand what “color” your partner is. Communication advice. Family constellations. Insight into your attachment style, et cetera. All meaningful things. But when it comes down to it, relationship emotions overrule what you know and understand.

Articles about RETaC

You can read more about how our emotions emerge in the spring edition 2021 of INSIGHT, the Dutch journal for NLP. Journalist and coach Aranka van de Pol has written an excellent article about RETaC.

What is RETaC?

Relationship Emotion Therapy and Coaching (RETaC) is not the same as EFT (Emotionally Focussed Therapy). RETaC is based on recent neuroscientific research by Dr Lisa Feldman Barret. She explains in great detail how our emotions emerge and that is not how we have learned that they arise. The source of our emotions lies in one of the most important functions of our brain: predicting what is going to happen. These predictions create our emotions.

Predicting what is going to happen

Predictions arise from unconscious bodily feelings. It turns out that a large part of our brain is busy extracting information from a until now (relatively) unknown sensory system: interoception. Subtle heartbeat changes, or tension around organs such as stomach, intestines, throat. Or restlessness in the legs, et cetera, are closely monitored by the brain. The brain links these (often) unconscious feelings to memories. Why? To be able to predict as accurately as possible what will happen.

More about RETaC

This ‘predicting mechanism’ of our brain is very useful. Because by making predictions we can deal with new things and experiences quickly. However, feelings can also be linked to experiences that consistently make the “worst” predictions possible. All we notice about this whole process is the emotion it creates.

Other than conscious

An important aspect of this is that we do not link our emotions and feelings to the past consciously. We relate them to what is happening in the moment! We are unaware of the origin of our prediction. Our brain links our emotion to the situation or person of that moment.

By accurately modeling how emotions are made in our nervous system, we have been able to develop a method to work with this neuroscientific knowledge. With RETaC we make unconscious processes conscious and change predictions so that the emotions can also change.

I've always thought my own relationship issues were about something other than what came up at RETaC. I did not expect this eye-opener. This was a real present for myself and I can help my coaching clients much better. Thanks!

- Karel (Relationship) therapist and coach


Do you have questions about 1 of my workshops? Feel free to contact me, I’ll be happy to help you.


What do others think?

Wassili gets the best out of people and out of this material! I think he is a fantastic trainer.

– Lucas Derks

RETaC - Emotional regulation within yourself and in your relationships

Dates and location

The RETaC for your Relationship workshop takes 2 days from 09.30 till 17.00

Helmgrasstraat 1, Souterrain, Amsterdam, IJburg, The Netherlands

Workshop dates 2023
22, 23 April
9, 10 December

RETeC Relationship RETREAT Greece!
28 till 31 May
4 day retreat in Greece
Contact us for the program

Price description


RETaC for your relationship workshop
€600,00 for individual participants, €1000.00 when you participate with your partner

These amounts are VAT-free and therefore the net amount. Training is often deductible, check with the tax authorities / advisor.

The amount includes the following:

  • The training days and space;
  • coffee, tea and refreshments;
  • Syllabus;
  • RETaC Foundation certificate (if applicable).

4 day retreat

The 4-day RETeC retreat will be a special event. Every morning you will explore the specific themes that are recurring in your relationships. Slowly but surely you will learn how to transform deep feelings and thus change your reaction patterns. You will gain deeper understanding of where your feelings come from and the reaction patterns of your (possible) partner. As soon as the emotional ‘load’ is reduced, you can start to work together.

When that time comes, we’re going to talk about the future you (or you) want to create for yourself in terms of relationships. You will experience deep relief and healing of wounds. In the afternoon and evenings there are activities such as yoga and you are free to do what you want. Join 4 days of healing for yourself. Healing for your partner (if you have one), and healing in the interaction! Get in touch to participate.

RETeC Retreat €2000,00 per persoon


The RETeC workshop is accredited by the Dutch Professional Association of Hypnotherapists, NBVH. So this workshop is also interesting for therapists (with relationship issues).

The heart of relationship problems

If the heart of relationship problems is formed by unconscious feelings and emotions, then the solution must also be sought there!

How do you unravel subconscious feelings of your own when you sincerely experience that the other person is causing the problem? What can you do with your own feelings when you are wallowing in self-pity? Feelings of rejection, insecurity, self-doubt, or anger? Can you change fears and insecurities in a blended family? Do you need help to stop reacting from the emotion or your intuition? How do you stop feeling that your partner is to blame for the problems you are experiencing?

These are very tricky problems. For the simple reason that for us, what we feel is the truth, regardless of what the other person says about it.

Coaching with the RETeC method

Would you prefer to be coached individually? Sign up for online relationship coaching. Indicate that you want relationship coaching.